Saturday, March 31, 2012

8 Week Photo Plus Bonus Photos!

 Can’t believe this big guy is 2 months old already!

 Jude loves to smile!  All mommies have to do is make silly faces and this is what we get!

 Happy babies are the best babies!

 Traditional Texas Bluebonnets Photo Shoot

 Getting mad in the Bluebonnets

Don’t you just love him?  We sure do.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Last Day at Work

I can’t believe today is my last day at work.  Starting tomorrow I begin my life as a stay at home mom.  Wow.  I never thought that this would actually happen and I still feel like it isn’t happening, like I’m going on some vacation that everyone is just really interested in.  This isn’t the world’s best job, but in a lot of ways it has been a really good job for me.  
Things I will miss:
  1. Getting a paycheck.  I wasn’t making the best money, but it was the most I’ve ever made and certainly made a big difference in our finances.
  2. The people.  I worked with some awesome people.  My students mostly were annoying, but the other trainers and managers were great.
  3. My boss.  I had a great boss.  How many people can say that they will miss their boss?  Probably not many.  I was lucky to have such a good one for so long.
  4. Adult interaction.  Not going to get a lot of that in the future with the little man.
  5. Quiet lunches surfing the internet.  Again, not much of that in my future.

Things I will NOT miss:
  1. Some of the annoying/ghetto people who work here.  I have a girl in class this week who has been wearing a Dora the Explorer Snuggie all week and the same girl argued with me about the greater than and less than signs for like 5 minutes and couldn’t accept that she was totally wrong.  Erg!
  2. Writing people up.  I hate that part of the job.
  3. Firing people.  Sometimes it’s not so bad when they really deserve it, but when they don’t totally, it can be hard.
  4. Answering the same DUMB questions over and over again.  And yes, there is such thing as a dumb question, don’t let teachers lie to you.  
  5. Having to be away from my baby boy so much.  I’m looking forward to spending more time with him.
  6. Enforcing stupid rules.  Like dress code.  I hate having to tell people that their skirt is too short or that they are showing too much cleavage or their Capri pants are an inch too short.
  7. 8am traffic and 5pm traffic.
  8. Being under florescent lighting all day long and never getting to go outside.
  9. Sitting down so much of the day or being on my feet all day long teaching.  There is never a happy medium.
  10. Having to be here even when there is nothing to do.  That is especially annoying being on salary.  If there is no work, you shouldn’t have to be there!

Also, yesterday my little boy hit two months!  Unbelievable!  And the talk with Out Youth last night went really well, thank you for all of your input!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

A typical day with Jude

Since I will be going back to work in about 3 weeks, I thought I would document my time with him with an explanation of what we do on a typical day.  Jude at this point usually gets up 3 times a night.  Liz usually takes the first shift between 1-2am am and I take the next two, usually from 2-3 and 4-5am.  Then, Jude wakes up to stay up between 5:30 am-7:30am.  When he get up, he is really attentive and active.  He spends time under his baby tv attached to his play mat and with his “friends” which is his mobile.  We have a song and dance portion of our morning.  This is not baby songs, he gets enough of those under his toys and I sing him some nursery rhymes to fall asleep at night.  Instead, I put on songs from our Itunes.  Today it was a song from Dido, Elton John, PJ Harvey, and then he got bored on a song from Fleetwood Mac.  He did hear the song the day before in his defense.  We sit and I bounce him on my knee to the beat and sing and wave his hands around some and then when we feel like it, we get up and dance around the nursery.  Today it was to PJ Harvey’s We Float.  Dancing consists of holding him close and me stepping around his nursery singing to him.

Then, it is usually time to play with his toys.  He loves to look at his long loopy toy.  It is one of those toys that are always at the Drs. office.  With the round wood blocks that are different shapes and go thru different paths.  I make noises for each of the paths and he stares in wonder.  He has a lot of bright, noisy, toys I will pull out and play with until he gets bored.  Then, we will do some tummy time with a mirror or me encouraging him.  Thru all of this, he will cry and eat some.  By 12pm he is starting to truly get sleepy.  He dozes and we cuddle.  I love cuddling with him.  He is so sweet and warm and just adorable!    We have started truly putting him down for a nap at 2pm.  We noticed he stopped sleeping very well thru the day and read it is important he gets good sleep thru the day too.  So, today we decided to swaddle him at 2pm to nap along with our swaddling we do at 7:30pm for his bed time.  He also started sleeping in his crib for the first time last night.  I had a small break down since he is usually next to my side of the bed, but I think both him and I slept better thru the night because of it.

So then, when he gets up, he is less attentive and usually 5pm is what we have called “the crying hour” for reasons you can probably guess.  The unfortunate thing is that this is right when Liz gets home from work, so she does not get to spend nice mornings with him.  Next week is her last day of work, so she will get to experience it soon!  Around 7:30 or 8pm, we feed him his last bottle and he goes off to bed.

I am going to miss these days soooo much with going back to work.  I am tearing up just thinking about it.  I hope being at work still means we have a great relationship and that he does not forget me.  I think he will remember me since I had this nice bonding time and I smell like food to him still, but I do really fear not being around as much that he will forget me and how close we have become.  Plus, I am going to miss him like crazy being at work so much!  Liz keeps telling me I still have 2 days with him a week I am home, but it just does not seem like enough after all this time I have had with him.  It’s what we have to do and Liz being at home is really important to us and it makes me feel better that she is here and not a stranger, but I am still sad.

On the breast pumping front, I have completely quit at this point and my breast hurt!  My Dr. said to put on a tight bra and ice them and eventually they will get better.  I have and they are full of milk at this point and huge.  I just had Liz get me some cabbage leaves to help and currently am rocking those in my bra:)  Well, Jude is up, so off I go!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

What would 20 year old YOU want to know about TTC?

A friend of ours is a volunteer at a gay youth group here in Austin and she has asked us to come and talk to the group about TTC.  The “kids” in the group are 18-23ish age range, so it’s not actually a bunch of 15 year olds like it sounds.  We go do the talk next Thursday and I’m trying to figure out what we are going to say.   Here is an outline of things I’m thinking we will talk about:

  • Picking a Donor (Known Donor vs. Sperm Bank)
  • Getting Pregnant (IUI, IVF, etc)
  • Being a gay parent and being the “Other” Mother
  • Adoption Process (Specifically Second Parent Adoption in Texas)
  • Overall Costs
So my question to you, dear public, is what do you wish you had known about TTC back at age 20?  Any advice that we should give or any advice you wish you had had?  Anything about TTC/gay parenting that has surprised you?  Our experience with all of this is quite limited as we only have the 1 kiddo so by no means are we going into this as “experts”, but I still would like to give good advice/info, obviously.  Also, any gentlemen readers out there using a surrogate or something similar, what do you wish you had known?  Also, I don’t think that the talk will be limited to TTC but in general what it means to be a gay parent.  Any and all feedback you can give would be helpful! 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Almost 7 Weeks!

Things seem to be looking up around our house hold.  S had her gallbladder surgery on Monday morning.  I couldn’t believe how fast the whole thing was.  We went in at 7:45, got blood work done, met with her surgeon, went into surgery around 9:30, out by 10:30, in recovery by 11:30 and heading home by 2.  Wow, so fast!  The doctor took pictures of her gallbladder and it was full of stones, so good thing we got that thing out of there.  S is recovering well.  She is pretty store and tired but with my mom in town for the week helping out, life with Jude has been happy and easy.  Thank goodness though for my mom, spending her whole Spring Break (she is a teacher) taking such good care of my darling wife and sweet little boy while I work all day.  S is heading back to the doctor today though as we are starting to doubt that the problems she is having with her breasts is really Mastitis.  Nothing has been able to clear it up and we are tired of having her on antibiotics for weeks on end.  

Jude is doing great.  I think that we are starting to hit that magical 8 weeks age when things get easier.  Not that he still doesn’t have his moments, last night he decided from about 6:30-8 that the only thing he wanted to do was scream and cry.  No matter what we did, we couldn’t get him to calm down.  He wasn’t hungry, didn’t need to be changed, didn’t like who was holding him or any of the various places we tried to put him down, nothing would do.  Then all of a sudden, he was fine.  I hate that, but it seems to be getting less and less.  He still isn’t sleeping much better, normally is up around 1am, 3 am, and then out of bed by 6 am.  Too early Jude!  Last night he slept it up and we finally woke him up to eat at 2am, but I think he is getting a cold.  I’ve had a cold for the last week and half or so and he has finally gotten it too.  At least he has picked up my cough.  Little guy was coughing on and off all night and seems a bit snotty too.  He isn’t running a fever though and doesn’t seem too unhappy, so hopefully it’s mild and he gets over it quickly.  S is calling his doctor today to be sure we don’t need to bring him in.

Jude is also smiling all of the time.  He loves to smile at us when we are talking to him and really smiles at my mom.  He just cannot get enough of her, he loves her so much, and it’s so cute to see.  I can’t wait till I am spending all day with him and he looks at me like that and cranes his little head around when he hears my voice the way he does for my mom and S.  I know that he knows who I am and does prefer me over most people, but he isn’t crazy for me the way he is for S and my mom.  Not yet, anyway. 

Jude talks all of the time.  If he is in a good mood, he is chattering away.  He really likes when I come home from work to sit with me and “tell me about his day”.  He loves to lay under his mobile and “talk to his friends”, which is what I call the little stuff animals on his mobile.  And according to my mom, yesterday he watched the mobile and waited till one of the animals got close to him and he batted at it on purpose!  Hard to say if it was really “on purpose” but I think he getting close to having some control over his arms, which is exciting.  I love seeing how every day he gets a little bit more in tune and interested in the world around him.

Only 7 more days at work!  Eek!  I can’t believe that!  I guess I better get some work done while I’m still here.  

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

First smile

Liz and I have been trying to get Jude to smile.  Liz has the approach of making funny faces at him. I never thought about that.  I was waiting for it to be a “good to see you mom” smile.  There have been a few times we thought he was smiling on purpose, but were unsure.  At night, he tends to smile thru one of his feedings lately, which is a nice surprise at 3am.

Yesterday, it happened.  I had him in his chair at the table facing Liz and me and decided to make faces at him.  He smiled and cooed at one of my faces!  It was amazing.  The first smile that was directed toward me!  It was cool that both Liz and I got to see it.  We are so excited about this and cannot wait for the day that he smiles and giggles on a regular basis.

On the car front, Liz got a new car.  It is awesome.  It is a Honda Civic.  I will let her tell you more about it in another post.  It is nice to know my wife is in a new, nice, reliable car!  I am very jealous of it, but also happy she is enjoying it so much.  It makes me feel better than her driving around in that crappy car she had.

I am dying to feel like a normal person again.  My gallbladder surgery is next Monday, so after I recover from that, I should be feeling better!  On top of that not being right, I went to the Dr. yesterday and both my breasts are infected and I have shingles.  I have felt bad for too long now!  I did not feel great at the end of the pregnancy, I then had to recover from the C section and then my gallbladder went out.  I am dying to feel better and like myself again.  I can handle the sleep deprivation, but am tired of being sick in some way.  Everything has been going so wrong, I went ahead and got some life insurance.  I know it is silly, but I should have a policy neways.

Little dude is growing!  He has been eating 4 oz with almost every feeding at this point.  He also is currently wearing a 6-9month onesie and fits into it well.  It is a little baggy, but the right length for him.  The 0-3month ones are too short on him and expose his chest because they are so stretched.  He is making all kinds of noise and kicking his little limbs around.  He can also hold his weight on his feet and loves to stand while I hold him.  He is so long and lean and strong.  He is just so amazing to me.  I love him so much and he grows and changes everyday.  I am excited for Liz to be off work and experience the days with him too.  After today, she only has 13 more days of work!

Even with feeling bad, I am enjoying my time with Jude everyday.  He is moving out of the “I just want to be cuddled” phase and into the “I also need to be entertained” phase.  He still likes his cuddles, but he also wants to play.

Speaking of, he is done with his baby TV time, so I gotta grab him!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Trying to stay on the Sunny Side

I know that this blog isn’t intended to be a list of all the things going wrong in our life, and I’m sorry if it has turned into that.  But these things weigh heavy on my mind and it helps to get them out.  On the car front, the timing chain went out and basically destroyed my engine.  I’m still waiting to hear from the dealership and some of my work resources (in a round about way I work for a car company) to see if we can put a rebuilt engine in it and cut a deal to make the repair at or less than $2K, in which case it is worth paying to fix it, even if the car is a bit old (an 04 with 80,000 miles).  And if not, then I think we are going to have to say no to repairing the car, sell it for scrap and try to find me some very cheap used car to get by with.  I’m really hoping that we can work something out and just get my car fixed, but who knows at this point.

In baby news, because this after all is a parenting/baby blog, Jude is doing great.  He is on meds now for Thrush and I think the medicine is making him feel a bit weird and sometimes sleepy.  Last night he took the medicine (which we have to rub on his tongue and on the roof of his mouth, you can imagine how much he dislikes this)  and after fussing for quite a while, passed out and slept from 8:45 pm to 1:30 am, which is quite a long stretch for him.  Of course after that he ate, got more meds and was up until 3 am and was back up before 6 am.  Le sigh.  This part of having a new born is pure torture.  I think that the hard part about the sleep deprivation isn’t so much being tired, which is for sure very hard, but the hard part is knowing that things won’t change any time soon.  For a normal, childless adult, a night of bad sleep isn’t a big deal because you know you’ll go to bed early the next night/sleep in on the weekend/take a nap or something to that effect, but with a new born you know that there is no way that in your future you will “make up” for the sleep you lost.  And so at least for me when I am tired and up with him at night sometimes I get this angry hopeless feeling that just overwhelms me.  It’s this little evil voice in my head that says, "this will never get better; you will always be tired and miserable."  During the day, I know that isn’t true, that he will start sleeping through the night as he gets older and things really aren’t even all that bad, but man at night, I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.  And I really have no right to complain as S gets up twice as much as I do and gets far less sleep than I do because of getting up more and having to pump in the night.  Which of course makes me feel like a jerk, which doesn’t help things, as it sucks to feel hopeless/angry/sad/tired and then feel guilty for feeling that way.  Does anyone else feel this way? 

I guess if I’m being honest I have been a little depressed this last month, which probably accounts for my negative feelings at night.  I’ve been dealing with mild depression my whole life and have been on and off antidepressants since I was in my early 20s.  I think that this time around it’s just related to the stress of being a new parent and the stress we have been under in general and depression is how I react to lots of stress, which sucks, but it is what it is.  I think just admitting it helps a bit.  Right now all I want to do is lay in bed and cry and not get up and not do anything ever again.  It’s really hard to get out of bed and be productive and not just wallow, but I keep getting up and doing my best.  And I guess at this point that is all I can do.

Jude is an amazing baby though.  I love to hold him and snuggle him and just all around love him more than words can say.  He has amazing head/neck control and if he is on his stomach he pretty much doesn’t stop holding his head up and looking side to side.  He also in the last few days has been really into being held so that he can put his weight on his feet and basically doing a mama assisted stand.  It’s pretty cool as I’m fairly sure he isn’t supposed to be able to do either of these things so well at not even 5 weeks.  I guess that’s what being way over due gets you, an advanced baby J.

So looks like I’m actually quitting my job now on March 30th instead of April 6th.  S got a call yesterday from her work saying that she misunderstood her FMLA/maternity leave and that she actually needs to be back on April 13th, not April 23rd.  It’s annoying because she specifically asked if she could take a week of vacation and then start her leave after the vacation and they said yes but now are taking it back.  I think that they are just really needing her there and that’s why all of this came about.  Not the end of the world, and I’m excited to get to quit a week earlier, but still annoying.

5 weeks tomorrow!  I can’t believe it!  I’ll get pictures posted tomorrow of our loveable little chunk!

Monday, March 5, 2012

When it Rains, It Pours

So today has not so far been the best day.  This morning on my way to work my car broke down.  Of course I was in the middle of the road on a busy road.  Luckily after about 20 minutes of backing up traffic and getting lots of angry glares from people, a nice guy walking by thought to have me put it in neutral and pushed me backwards into the parking lot behind me.  I got my car towed to the dealer and had S drop me off at work.  To top all of that off, while we were waiting for the tow truck, little mister crapped his pants.  So S had to change him in the back seat only to discover she only had 1 wipe in her case.  We foraged around in her car and came up with a few tissues and napkins and got the job done.  Needless to say it was ridiculous and I was an hour late to work, which did not make my boss happy.  The car is in the shop still and I haven’t heard back from them yet.  But I’m guessing it’s an expensive engine problem because that’s just the way my life goes and also while I was sitting at a light my car started shaking and then the engine died and wouldn’t start again.  So seems like the engine to me.

Also S and Jude went into the doctor because they have Thrush.  And she also talked to her doctor and they got back the results from her ultrasound and she does have gallstones and needs surgery.  Oh and Jude is now clocking in a heavy 11 lbs!

On Saturday the social worker was supposed to come by at 1 to do our home inspection.  We had originally scheduled for Sunday at 1 but she emailed and moved it to Saturday.  So we got up, all three of us got clean and into fresh clothes and picked up the house.  Then 1 rolled around and no social worker.  Then 1:30, then 2:00.  We called and emailed and couldn’t get a hold of her.  We were pissed.  Having a new born in the house means getting everyone and everything clean by a certain time is hard work and it was so rude to just stand us up.  Finally around 3 she called and said she had a “confusing” week and basically just forgot.   Yeah lady, I’m confused too, I thought you were coming over at 1! So by 3:45 she came over and basically breezed through the house, asked a few questions, told us Jude was cute, and left.  It literally took 15 minutes.  I’m not sure if she normally would do such a half assed inspection or if she just felt bad about being so late and decided to give us a pass.  Either way, we are down now with the social worker and just have to wait for our report from her so we can get our court date.

Ready for this day to be over!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

1 Month Old

I can’t believe our baby is 1 month old today!  He just gets cuter and bigger everyday.  S took him to her OB follow up appointment today and they weighed him for us and the little chunk now clocks in at 10 lbs 4 oz!  Wow!  Here he is in his cute 4 week picture.

In other news, S is having some stomach issues.  For the last week or so she has been getting sharp intense pains in her stomach at night and the last 2-3 days they have been so bad that she has been crying from the pain and throwing up.  So today she went to her general doctor in addition to seeing her OB and they think the problem might be her gallbladder.  She is scheduled to get an ultrasound tomorrow to see for sure and depending on what they find, she might have to get it removed.  Oy-vey!  So much medical drama in our life right now!  At least she knows probably what the problem is and we can be on our way to getting her back to normal.  It’s been a rough month for S and I’m hoping things start looking up for her soon.  But, one piece of happy news from the doctor, S is only 6lbs away from her pre-pregnancy weight.  Wowza, baby!  Way to go!