Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Texas Bluebonnets

Around here a flower called a bluebonnet blooms up and down the side of the highways and in fields and all sorts of random places.  And it is a Texas parenting tradition to take your kid out into the flowers and take pictures.  We look some great ones last year and managed to get some good ones again this year.

Isn’t he the cutest?

If feels like a long time since we were last able to get a smiling picture of Jude.  Things have been better since S’s last post though.  That post came after two weeks in a row of Jude being sick.  First he got Roseola two weeks ago and then last week he got Mouth, Hand, and Foot disease, which has been a real doozy.  Combine that with my issues, my surgery, and everything else have led to some instability, all while he wasn’t feeling good.  And we appreciate everyone’s comments.  It is so nice to know that Jude isn’t the only kid going crazy like this, though I do have to point out that he is only 14 months, not 2 or 3 years old.  So he is young for this type of behavior and also I think a bit young for really understanding any sort of punishment.  We have started doing 1 minute time outs in his crib when he is really throwing a fit or doing something naughty like hitting.  And now our nanny is doing this with him as well.  I don’t know if it is helping or if it is me being much more involved this week, but he is doing better.  We will get through this and he is going to be just fine.  He is at home with me today with my friend Tara helping me (because I still can’t pick him up) and he is being great.  Hopefully I can get some more smiling pictures today :)

Sunday, April 21, 2013


I am starting to think I am not cut out to be a mom.  I know, crazy statement to say, but I fear it might be true.  a little late to figure it out.

Liz is still 4 weeks away from really being able to take care of Jude.  She cannot lift him for 4 more weeks and the kid is clingy.  He is crazy fit throwing and clingy.  He screams like someone is hurting him when you change his diaper and spends the whole time thrashing, kicking, and trying to turn over. He screams and throws himself to the floor when he does not get his way or when he just feels like it.  He thinks it’s funny when you tell him to not do something and he does it and either gets a kick out of the rebellion or throws a crazy fit.  He was fun yesterday.  That was the only day I can remember in a LONG time that he was fun.

I don’t really know what all this means as I am at my wits end with him.  I have started saying things like, “quit being such a jerk” to him.  Not appropriate.  All he wants to do it watch TV and drink milk.  2 things I would really like for him to get away from, but the only things that seem to make him happy.  He will not eat much other than bottles.

At the nannies, he is a whole different kid most of the time.  He eats, smiles, plays and does not go crazy every few seconds.  I think he is different and behaves better for Liz too.  I am starting to really think he acts crazy around me mostly.  And he makes me NUTS!  Totally, insanely NUTS!  I do not have the patients for him.  I don’t know when he is going to quit acting like such a maniac.  If ever.  I miss my cuddly, sweet, smiling boy.  Where did he go?  Is he coming back?  Ever?

So very frustrated and confused.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

It’s Getting Better All the Time

Today I graduated out of Pain Management.  It is so amazing after all that I have been through for the last six months to no longer need it.  I feel like a new person.  An easily tired person, but a new person. In the last week I have had friends over, cooked dinner, went shopping, cleaned, showered and done all sorts of things that I physically couldn’t do before surgery. What a life saver that surgery was.

In Jude news, he is doing really well over at his nanny’s house.  He is learning to sign as she has a deaf son two months older than him and that has been really good for him.  So far he seems to know hungry, more, done, and want.  He doesn’t seem to hate us anymore and is back to his semi happy semi moody ways.  I miss him so much during the day but I don’t have the energy or the physical capability of taking care of him yet.  I can’t even pick him up yet.  I see my surgeon on Thursday and hopefully can start physical therapy soon and get on the path back to having him home with me again.  I hope it is soon but at the same time I’m really nervous about hurting myself, so we are taking it very slow.

Not really anything else going on.  Hopefully I will make something crafty this week to share, it has been too long since I’ve been working in my studio!

Friday, April 12, 2013

{this moment} Strawberry Bliss

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.  Inspired by Two Moms to Be

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Withdrawal Ain’t Pretty

Well after my sad sack post yesterday a good friend saw it and immediately knew what was going on- I was going through withdrawals from stopping my pain meds.  Luckily she was able to come right over and keep me from losing it and had me call my doctor to see what to do.  So now I’ve gotten a few withdrawal meds to help me through the week and I already feel a lot better.  I guess I just never really realized what serious drugs I was taking and I was taking quite a lot.  And my reasoning was when the nurse at the doctors office was like why would you do that is that they were for pain and I wasn’t in any pain anymore so I didn’t see a reason to keep taking them.  I have a few other meds that I know I can’t just stop taking cold turkey that I need to be weened off them, but no one ever warned me about these.  I guess because of a few small incidents with the office they thought I was a pill seeker and wouldn’t want to stop taking them, which is sucky and judgemental on their part.  But oh well, I’m on the mend and the pain killers are hidden away so there is no temptation and I think I’m not going to cry all day to today, so that makes for a much better day!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Home Alone and Sad

I don’t know whats wrong with me today, but something is.  I’ve been looking forward to today, the first day at home by myself after surgery.  I feel great, I’m only taking some Tylenol at this point and physically can do what I want aside from pick up Jude.  But I’m so sad and I don’t know why.  I’ve been crying all morning for no good reason at all.  Am I depressed?  I know I have been depressed with all of this going on but now everything is better.  It’s been five days now since surgery so surly it’s not from the anesthesia at this point (I had a weepy day or two after surgery which I think was from the anesthesia).  I don’t know.  I can do whatever I want and all I can manage to do so far is lay in bed and cry.

Speaking of crying, Jude has been out of control crying boy around here.  Again, I don’t know what it is, as he is in a great mood for his sitter or anyone else watching him, but if we are at home and inside then he is crying and throwing a fit 90% of the time.  It is exhausting and it really feels so personal, like he hates us.  This weekend wasn’t too bad but then we also stayed as busy as possible and went outside and out and about as much as possible.  Poor S is so tired as being post surgery I can’t keep up with him or pick him up yet.  She needs a vacation from this crying family of hers!

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Surgery Update

Just wanted to say that I got surgery yesterday on my back.  They did a microdiscectomy and were able  to remove a lot of the herniated disk.  The whole thing was super quick, we got there around 9:30 and were on our way home by a bit after 3:30.  Yep, home.  My mom is here helping me and recovery so far is going well.  I feel a bit like I’ve been hit by a bus, very sore and stiff, BUT my leg that has been bothering me so much feels pretty much normal!  Yay!
I’m sure I’ll be posting a ton in the next few weeks as I’ll be home alone recovering.  I’m so glad to have this over with.  And so very grateful for and overwhelmed by  the amazing generosity and love that I have been getting my both my wonderful friends and family.  I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life.
Life is good.