Sunday, July 28, 2013

More Bad News

On Monday I went in and saw the gyno to get a better idea of what the heck is going on with me.   She told me they still didn’t know if it was a fibroid for sure so they ran some tests, a pap smear, another ultrasound and a blood check for ovarian cancer. And they let me know that they were seeing two growths of some sort, couldn’t find my right ovary and one of the growths is 13cm big.

On Wednesday the doctor called and my blood test for the ovarian cancer had come back with elevated levels. So they are transferring me over to Oncology. The specialist got all of my records and I have an appointment Tuesday afternoon with her. They arn’t saying that I have cancer, yet, but the fact that the cancer doctor is now in charge points to the possibility.

I'm still hopeful that this isn't cancer, that it is something else, a cyst or something.  And all of this waiting around is making me crazy.  Especially when I have S's mom in town helping me out with Jude.  I don't feel great so it has been really helpful but she really came down here with the thought that I'd be having surgery like last week, now I don't even find out the plan til Tuesday.  On the upside though our dishwasher also finally died and she bought us a new one as an early Christmas present.  Yay!  Our old one really sucked and never really got anything clean at all.  The new one is much nicer than our old one and for sure an upgrade.  It gets delivered and installed on Wednesday so I'm really excited.

Also because S's mom is here last night she watched Jude for us while we spent the night at a hotel downtown for a little alone time.   It was so so so nice.  We went swimming twice and ordered a bunch of room service and got some yummy Indian food from a place we love down the street, watched a movie, slept in.  So nice. 

I'll post after my appointment on Tuesday afternoon and will hopefully have some good news.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Answering the Big Question

So I'm doing much better, out of the hospital and back at home.  This morning talking with my doctor about what comes next a big question came up that I'm not 100% sure how I want to answer.  The doctor explained with fibroids that they always come back and that even though I'm feeling better I do need surgery to remove mine based on how big it is and that this is something I will be dealing with again and again...unless...I get a hysterectomy. 

So that is the big question, should I just go ahead and do that and be done.  Or do I want to just remove the fibroid for now and deal with it coming back in however long.  I guess the thing is that I'm young enough to still possibly have more children.  And at this point, do I want more children?  How important to me is it that if we do decide to have more children that I have some choice in being able to carry the child?  At this point I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the whole idea, I didn't think that was even an option until just a few hours ago.  I don't think that we for sure want more children at this point, it would be a ways off if we did, and I don't think being actually pregnant is something that I'm really desperately wanting to do.  This is the one time where I feel lucky to be in a lesbian relationship.  At least if I do decide to get the hysterectomy then all that really means is that I won't be able to carry any future children we might want to have, not that we can't have them at all.  It's a big decision.  Thinking, thinking, thinking...

getting better

I finally talked to the Dr. yesterday.  They explained that they think she has a fibroid.  They are just stalling because fibroids slowly die.  Eventually the body cuts off blood flow to them and they die.  They are hoping it will just do this instead of having to do surgery.  I think they will release Liz from the hospital tomorrow unless something comes up on the ultrasound they did yesterday.  the Dr. has not been by to release her yet or read the ultrasound, so we are really just waiting on that. 

It's probably good for her to rest for part of the day. She did not sleep well last night, so she was really tired and nauseous when we were there this morning.  The hospital staff loves little Jude.  We went by there 3 times yesterday and once today already, so they are starting to get to know us and they keep trying to feed Jude graham crackers and ice cream and juice.  Pretty cute.  Of course our picky eater is more excited about the ice they have there because it is about toddler sized bites.  We need a machine that makes ice that size at home! 

My mom is on her way in to take care of Jude.  That is a big relief to know that no matter how the next few weeks go, my mom will be here to take care of Jude and Liz and I can go to work at least for most of the week.  My mom and I don't always get along, but she always comes thru for me when I need her and she is great with Jude and will be a good nurse to Liz too.  She just dropped everything and packed a bag and grabbed her dog and jumped in the car to do the 22 hour drive to get here without saying much other than, "be there as soon as I can and I love you!"  So sweet. 

So, our little family is slowly doing better again.  Keep sending us the healing energy until we are all the way there ;)

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Here we are again in pain limbo

We have had an eventful few days.  On Thurs, Liz called me at work around 5pm. I was on a conference call and she called multiple times.  I was in the middle of doing a million things as I am currently working 2 account sets due to someone quitting. (which is kinda great for my paycheck, but also pretty crazy to do).

When I finally get a hold of her, she says she has been in intense pain all afternoon and I need to come home.  I leave ASAP, which feels like forever when you are trying to wrap things up and drive an hour to your wife who needs you because she is in crazy pain who is also right now in charge of our 16th month old. 

I get home and we go to the Urgent Care up the street.  The thing that makes that at all possible and doable is one of our good friends come to take care of Jude so just Liz and I can go.  They run tests and a very calm, but not too helpful Dr. says, "honestly we have no idea and the test results are weird."  They run more tests and then say they will call us around 10pm when the tests get back and let us know if we need to go to the ER or not.  At the same exact moment that the pharmacist gets to me (aftering waiting in line for quite a while) as I pick up the prescriptions the Dr. has prescribed for her at Urgent care, the Dr. calls and says, "go to the ER".  So, I grab the prescriptions and call the friend who saved us as she was able to come to house and spend the night with Jude (we were in the ER from 10:30pm-4am, so imagine if we had to do that with a sleepy, and confused 16 month old in tow) and we head to the ER.  More tests, more, "I am not sure what it is" going on until they admit her to a room. 

Hospitals are weird because the Dr. sees you once a day and then there is no way to get a hold of them.  This particular Dr. saw Liz yesterday around 6am (I was home with Jude sleeping and not able to be at the hospital) and did not chart nething, so the most neone could tell me yesterday was the information my highly drugged wife had about the whole thing.  It sounds  like what they are doing is making her comfortable thru the weekend and then trying to get her into the practice of a specialist to figure out what to do next.  They keep saying that the pain could just go away and so they want to see if it does.  No one has much information other than that. It could be a cyst or a fibroid or cancer or fluid or so on and so forth.

However, the only data I have on what exactly they are doing is from my wife who as I stated is highly drugged and was when the Dr. came by, so honestly, I have no frickin' idea what is going on.  Another super hero friend is actually staying the night on a palate he made for himself at the hospital with her to get some answers as I have to be here with Jude and can't be there myself.  He works at the hospital and just got off a 12 hour shift to sleep on the floor of the room Liz is in to then go back and work another 12 hour shift.  I tell you, our friends are super heroes and we would not survive without them.

So here we are again.  The pain waiting game with no timeline or end in sight.  I am waiting to figure out what the heck is going on with my wife that makes her in so much pain that they are just IVing her drugs, so that we can figure out what the next step is so that we can figure out what we do with our little family for the time being and moving forward and when Liz is going to not be in pain.  As my mom said, she has had enough pain this year for her lifetime quota.

I need to work to pay bills and not just the regular bills, but the medical bills that are just piling up from all of this, but life is in such a limbo that it it hard to do and figure out where Jude is going to go and what kind of help we will need and what is going to happen to my poor wife and so on and so forth.  I went into work yesterday just to be sent home in 30 mins because I was a mess and my boss is a super nice guy.  But, in sales, time missed is money missed, so I can't take too much time off considering I just took a ton of time off when we went thru this the first time.   

I just hope the Dr. calls me when she is there this morning because being in pain limbo sucks for all of us. 

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Worst. Blogger. Ever.

Ok so I know I am behind on here.  And I feel like lots of stuff has happened.  Bullet points to get the most information out before I give up and go to bed:

*We went on a vacation to Oklahoma for a week to see family and friends.  We had a great time.  Jude was really very good in the car but bedtime was another story.  Ended up co sleeping more than half of the trip. 
*When we got back from vacation I accidentally slammed the laptop onto the tile and it now has a giant un-viewable four inch strip across the middle of the screen.  Thus I am not blogging or reading many blogs.  :(
*Jude still won't really eat anything, but somehow manages to be full of energy and adorable 90% of the time
*We are now keeping Jude and the dogs pretty separate because last week he was playing too rough with our dog Emma and she bit him in the face.  Hard enough to draw blood, it was scary even though it was his fault for the most part.
*I have had two bladder infections in the last month.  Ugh they suck so much and I've never really gotten them before so I really hope this isn't my new thing.  At least my doctor assured me that it wasn't from swimming too much as my mom thinks.
*S is being a super star at her job and I am so proud of her.  She has a job in sales and is two weeks away from her end of quarter.  I made a deal with her last night that if she hits a certain high number before the end of the quarter that I'll get up with Jude in the morning both Saturday and Sunday one weekend, a huge prize in this  house seeing as how Jude gets up anywhere between 5:30-7am most days.
*Counting the days till our next vacation.  End of next month we are going to California to visit S's parents.  Might get married while we are there if we can make it work.  Exciting!