Day 2

Day 2:

So, I set the alarm and woke up at 6am on my last day of vacation and took my temp.  It was 95.97 degrees.  Which, means I rushed it.  So, we will try again tomorrow.  

How we finally came to the place where we can have a baby.  The wife and I have been baby crazy for a while.  I myself have been baby crazy since I was 15 yrs. old.  Once my body was okay to make babies, it wanted one.  Hence, I have never had sexual intercourse with a man.  I always felt that if I did, I would have an instant baby and as much as my body wanted one, I logically did not.  15 yr olds should not have babies.  That is my personal opinion.  

We have been talking for a while about just trying.  Everyone alway say, “there’s no right time to have babies”.  I always say back, “There has to be a time better than now.”  When we were living paycheck to paycheck, I think that it was a little rushed.  Now that I make good money, I was working on paying off our debt so that we could start with no credit card debt.  We both paid off our cars last year and I don’t have any student loans, so the only debt we would have is the wife’s student loans and the house.  The house is totally affordable, so I don’t see that being a problem.

We were about 6 months away from having it all paid off when my mom came for a visit.  Without provacation, she cut me a $5,000 check and said to use it for babies.  To me, that means paying off the rest of the debt because then, we are a go.  That means, We will have all our debt paid off in 3 months.  Which means, baby time is a go in 3 months.  Whoa, how did that happen??  I thought we would never get to the point.  We kept saying, we had a 5 year plan.  We did that for about 6 years and then we had a 1.5 year plan that lasted a few and now we are here.

I am uber excited, cause like I said, I have been wanting for a baby for almost 15 years now, but I am also uber terrified.  Why, you ask am I scared...well I am a little neurotic.  Here are the things going thru my mind:

1. The Wife and I have such a great relationship, what if trying to have a baby or having a baby changes all that?
2. What if I cannot conceive or have a bunch of miscarrages?
3. What if my baby does not come out okay?
4. What if I am an awful mother?  The one thing I have always wanted and I am awful at it?!?!!?
5. What if I lose my job and then have to support myself and a child on The Wife’s wages?
6. How will the kid learn to walk on tile floors?
7. What if they kid hates animals and we have 2 cats and 2 dogs?
8. What if I get incredibly fat during pregnancy?
9. What if I get gestational diabetes during pregnancy.

So on and so forth.  All these terrifying questions.  I do take some comfort in the fact that I am surly not the only one to think these things.  They seem like very likely and typical fears.  We are in a depression right now and what scares me is money.  I have always been obsessed with money and having a kid seems expensive and my job is not as stable as I would like.  

So, all these things running thru my mind and I cannot even take my temp right.  Well, here we go….

-s