So, I set the alarm and woke up at 6am on my last day of vacation and took my temp. It was 95.97 degrees. Which, means I rushed it. So, we will try again tomorrow.
How we finally came to the place where we can have a baby. The wife and I have been baby crazy for a while. I myself have been baby crazy since I was 15 yrs. old. Once my body was okay to make babies, it wanted one. Hence, I have never had sexual intercourse with a man. I always felt that if I did, I would have an instant baby and as much as my body wanted one, I logically did not. 15 yr olds should not have babies. That is my personal opinion.
We have been talking for a while about just trying. Everyone alway say, “there’s no right time to have babies”. I always say back, “There has to be a time better than now.” When we were living paycheck to paycheck, I think that it was a little rushed. Now that I make good money, I was working on paying off our debt so that we could start with no credit card debt. We both paid off our cars last year and I don’t have any student loans, so the only debt we would have is the wife’s student loans and the house. The house is totally affordable, so I don’t see that being a problem.
We were about 6 months away from having it all paid off when my mom came for a visit. Without provacation, she cut me a $5,000 check and said to use it for babies. To me, that means paying off the rest of the debt because then, we are a go. That means, We will have all our debt paid off in 3 months. Which means, baby time is a go in 3 months. Whoa, how did that happen?? I thought we would never get to the point. We kept saying, we had a 5 year plan. We did that for about 6 years and then we had a 1.5 year plan that lasted a few and now we are here.
I am uber excited, cause like I said, I have been wanting for a baby for almost 15 years now, but I am also uber terrified. Why, you ask am I scared...well I am a little neurotic. Here are the things going thru my mind:
- The Wife and I have such a great relationship, what if trying to have a baby or having a baby changes all that?
- What if I cannot conceive or have a bunch of miscarrages?
- What if my baby does not come out okay?
- What if I am an awful mother? The one thing I have always wanted and I am awful at it?!?!!?
- What if I lose my job and then have to support myself and a child on The Wife’s wages?
- How will the kid learn to walk on tile floors?
- What if they kid hates animals and we have 2 cats and 2 dogs?
- What if I get incredibly fat during pregnancy?
- What if I get gestational diabetes during pregnancy.
So on and so forth. All these terrifying questions. I do take some comfort in the fact that I am surly not the only one to think these things. They seem like very likely and typical fears. We are in a depression right now and what scares me is money. I have always been obsessed with money and having a kid seems expensive and my job is not as stable as I would like.
So, all these things running thru my mind and I cannot even take my temp right. Well, here we go….