Tuesday, October 27, 2015

The Known Donor Question

We have been talking a lot about what to do if our next two cycle attempts don't work out.  Finically unless there is some sort of windfall of cash, two more tries is it as far as the fertility doctor is concerned.  But we REALLY want another baby and so we have been thinking about other paths, which naturally leads to the idea of a known donor with at home inseminations.  We really don't want to use a total stranger for this, that's just too weird for us, but how to approach the known donor thing is weird too.  It's weird to brainstorm all of the men we know in the area and consider them.  We have two or three that we might consider.  But I'm not sure how to ask them.  Will it be weird if they say no? Will it be weird if they say yes?  Would it be better to just do ICIs at home with frozen sperm?  It would be more expensive but do able at least a few times.  And legally how complicated is a known donor?  I found a lawyer locally who does this sort of thing, but does the cost of the lawyer defeat the purpose of using a known donor?  Is someone who lives an hour and half/two hours away too far?  Is it too close for it to be someone S works with?  Is it too impersonal to send a Facebook message to the "candidates" seeing if they'd be open to it or does it need to be an in person conversation?  Any readers use a known donor?  I'd love to hear your experience!

Next week we go to Mexico!  I'm so excited!  We have decided to skip this cycle as S will probably ovulate like the day before we leave, which is not only too stressful, but also it would be annoying to not be able to drink on a vacation at an all inclusive just because of a TWW.  S would be SO mad to do that and then end up not pregnant.  I'm a little nervous about how things at the resort will work with Jude.  He is a picky eater and goes to bed by 7.  So I'm going to pack a ton of snacks that I know he'll eat and we will just have to do the best we can with playing it by ear in the evenings as to if we keep him up, one of us stays in for the evening or what.  No matter what though it's going to be fun and a well deserved break from work stress for S.


  1. I know this might seem like a silly question, but when y'all started TTC, wasn't there an issue about S's insurance not covering fertility treatments because one of the requirements for infertility was not being able to conceive after a year of trying? Would artificial insemination time not count towards a year of trying?

  2. Hm...difficult. One question that popped up immediately is: What about Jude? His sibling will have a "father" and Jude not? How are you planning to handle this situation?

  3. We used a known donor. It actually started out as a joke "hey, I'm a lesbian and you're cute, maybe I'll use your sperm to get pregnant one day". It just sort of progressed into reality from there as we became close friends. We have a legal agreement. I reccomend it. Even if it just serves to remind you of what the intensions were to begin with. We haven't had an issue and it's been 5 years. Our child knows he's her dad. And they have a relationship, but there's no expectation. His family is also involved as aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. It's working nicely for us. There's a lot to consider... Things we never even thought of before. Luckily it works, our families blend well. We find we didn't only get a child but a whole extended family.
    Now for the actually deed. It starts really awkward! But gets to be second nature.
    Keforrest@hotmail.com - send an email if you have specific questions. Make sure to mention something in the subject that I'll see as not being spam.. Any email not on my safe list goes to junk.
    Good luck!