Friday, December 23, 2011

So much advice

It’s funny when you are pregnant.  People love to give you advice.  I think it is a time to share your stories about your child and your experience since most people don’t walk around and ask about your birth or your first days with your child.  Liz and I have both had the philosophy of listen, and thank people for their advice.  I feel the same way about birth as I do about having a child.  Prepare as much as possible and then wing it when it happens.  I feel birth and caring for a newborn is not something you can read about and control.  It happens when and how it happens and Jude really is the one on control.  He may be an angel, he may cry every second of everyday, he may take to breastfeeding like a champion, or we may spend the first 2 months trying to both learn how to do it, etc.  There is no book on Jude specifically and I think that part of being a parent, and a part I am very excited about, is you learn about your child along with your child.

All this came about today because Liz’s mom is here and a comment she made earlier.  She said, “yeah, I was talking to someone and said my daughter in law thinks she is prepared for a newborn.  Man is she in for a surprise.”  She then proceeded to tell me the story of how when they got Liz home from the hospital, she was crying and that her and her husband handed Liz back and forth to each other not knowing what to do.

To say the least, the comment took me by surprise.  It also hurt my feelings.  It made me feel like she already thinks I am a bad parent and my kid is not even here yet.  I have not at all expressed how awesome I am going to be with a newborn to her.  I have no idea how I will be with a newborn since I have not raised one yet.  I am sure that birth is exhausting and having a baby that does not let you sleep is exhausting and if I for some reason knew I was really amazing with newborns, which I do not, I might still not be very great at it since I will be sleep deprived.  Honestly the only real skill I have to offer my soon to be here baby is love.  I have babysat since I was little kids of all ages, but I of course have never been the main caretaker of a baby or breastfed or anything like that. Yes, I can change a diaper and we have everything Jude will need and then some as far as equipment and such, but there is so much more to caring for a newborn than that.   I think with anyone who has a child, there is a huge learning curve and that every single child is different outside of their basic needs and that Jude will teach us what we need to know.  Will it be a breeze, NO, will there be times we will need help, YES, but fortunately we have a huge support system that will be happy to come over and give us a hug if that is what we need at the time along with tons of other support and help.

My mom was the same way about the birth.  I said a comment about how I wonder if I will no longer gag thru the day and puke once a week the second he is out or if this is something that will linger or if I will always feel this way.  She went on a tangent about postpartum depression and how I would need to exercise right away but would be too tired.  What does that have to do with puking??

Liz made the comment earlier that no one ever has anything good to say about the birth of a child or raising a child and it seems to be right!  We are both SO excited for the birth of our little boy and to raise him.  I just wish some of the advice givers could be excited too!


  1. Thank you for this post! Sometimes I feel like all I hear about is how tired I'll be, how it strains a relationship, how I can't begin to imagine how hard it'll be, etc. Well, y'know what people, thanks but no thanks. Let's stop talking about the negatives and talk about how it's hard but worth it. Let's give advice like, "It's so difficult but you'll make it through like everyone else does."

    For what it's worth, *I* am excited for you. I think you'll do a great job with Jude and I can't wait for this baby to come and join your family. I'll be reading your blog and I'm sure I'll be happy to see what awesome mothers you and Liz become.

  2. I hear you sister. I won't bore you with unsolicited advice BUT I will tell you a little love story that is so sweet. Elliot's birth was EASY (I got an epidural). I couldn't tell if i was in labor, went to the hospital and they said I was already 6cm dilated. So I requested an epidural QUICK because it wasn't hurting yet and I had no desire to feel anything at all. So they did. and I pushed once and he was out. no biggie. then at home he slept for hours and hours and i would stare at him forever and wait for him to be hungry or wake up or do something. I was all by myself for weeks after I had him and had no moments of panic or overwhelming emotion or anything. It was super easy and I just got to lay in bed with my baby for weeks. The end. Jude will know what you can handle and you guys will be great. I got incredibly lucky with Elliot (until he learned to WALK and TALK and DESTROY) but that's not part of this love story.