As you all know, we were in the NICU for a few days due to breast feeding not working out and Jude not getting enough to eat. Since then, breast feeding has been a semi terrifying thing along with a very stressful thing. We were told to triple feed him. I will breast feed to which he is slow about doing and falls asleep thru and we were using a nipple shield because that is how a nurse taught me to do it. Then, I will pump and offer him what I pump in a bottle and then offer him formula in a bottle. It is quite a process to get him fed.
So…today I called the lactation consultant. My ultimate goal is still to breast feed from the actual breast. I know it would be so easy to just pump and give it to him, but the problem is 1. at this point I don’t make enough milk and 2. If we keep up with the current feeding, he will never stimulate me enough to make enough milk. So..she gave us this little tube thing that going beside the nipple and feeds him quicker than he will get normally at the breast. It is to encourage him to strictly “breast feed”. She then also had me get on a prescription and herbal supplements to help boost my supply. On top of all that, we are trying to teach him to latch without the nipple shield.
All this ends up being quite a process and I am totally frustrated by the whole thing. We have only done two feeding like this at this point, but the last one ended with Jude and I both crying and Liz consoling both of us. I feel very strongly about breast feeding, but I am starting to think this is totally not worth it. I think maybe I should just pump and then supplement with formula. I fear he will be dehydrated again. I fear that after all this and all the supplements and prescription, it will not work. I fear giving up too early when this could work, but I am exhausted and ready to have a normal feeding routine established. I wish I could just breast feed our boy and it be something that we both enjoy and I have enough to make him happy and we both do not get frustrated. It feels like a failure to not be able to do this with more ease.
He is still the most amazing, adorable, and precious thing in the world, but I am feeling exhausted, frustrated and just short on patience at this point and am not sure what to do. I think at this point, I will give it another week of trying all this and the supplement and if it does not work, then find an easier way to feed him. In the end, I just want him healthy and happy.