*When Jude is asleep, get in the shower/do the dishes/drink a glass of water/eat lunch ASAP. All good things must come to an end and no nap ever last long enough. So don’t squander it.
*Babies fart. A lot. Sometimes as loudly as an adult. Never really knew that pleasant fact until Jude. Thanks Jude for making the nurse at the NICU think me and your mom were rude for farting in front of her when it was YOU.
*Just when you think you know how Jude likes things, he will change his mind.
*No good decisions are ever made at 4am. I used to think this was only true when drinking. It is also true when parenting.
*Drool is NOT at all gross, at least comparatively. Nor is it the worst thing you could get on your shirt/face/bed.
*Not everyone likes babies, and lots of people DO NOT want to hold your baby. I really used to think that secretly everyone wanted to hold every baby they saw. Turns out, that’s just me that feels that way.
*Baby hair is IMPOSSIBLE to style. It does what it wants.
*Babies are not born ticklish. Or at least they don’t laugh when you tickle them. Jude is just now starting to laugh when you tickle him. Always thought that was something you were born with.
*Belly buttons are NOT made by the doctor tying a knot in the umbilical cord. It is much grosser than that and takes way too long to fall off. I used to think you got an “outie” if the doctor tied the knot wrong. And friend of mine told me the other day that she thought you could request an “innie” or an “outie” from the doctor when your baby way born.
*You cannot microwave breast milk but you can microwave formula, but you probably shouldn’t. And the fact that your baby prefers his formula cold out of the fridge will freak out every mother over the age of 50.
*People are obsessed with putting rice cereal in bottles as a way to get babies to sleep. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to do that, I’d have like at least $27.
*Change diapers fast. Mid diaper change is not a great time to look at a text message, remind your wife to do something, yell at the dog, etc. Unless of course you LIKE pee everywhere.
*If the diaper is off and the baby farts, it is appropriate to be scared and jump to the side. Things might be fine, but if not, you’ll be glad you jumped.
*People are nicer to you in public if you have a baby with you. Why can’t people give sweet smiles and ask friendly nice questions when you are out alone? Wouldn’t that be nice?
*When it comes to baby clothes, always buy bigger than what you currently need. I swear Jude grows out of things on a daily basis.
*Bumbos are awesome.
*Pacifiers are awesome. And now anytime someone says to me, “Oh, I’m not going to use a pacifier, I’m breast feeding,” all I hear is, “Oh, I want to do things the hard way and I like math. And dirty dishes in the sink. And crying. I love crying.”
*Nothing is sweeter than holding your baby while he sleeps. Until that is your baby ONLY wants to sleep when you hold him. Also it sucks after about an hour.
*Love. Jude has taught me so much about love. And here I thought I was going to be teaching him about it.