I am starting to think I am not cut out to be a mom. I know, crazy statement to say, but I fear it might be true. a little late to figure it out.
Liz is still 4 weeks away from really being able to take care of Jude. She cannot lift him for 4 more weeks and the kid is clingy. He is crazy fit throwing and clingy. He screams like someone is hurting him when you change his diaper and spends the whole time thrashing, kicking, and trying to turn over. He screams and throws himself to the floor when he does not get his way or when he just feels like it. He thinks it’s funny when you tell him to not do something and he does it and either gets a kick out of the rebellion or throws a crazy fit. He was fun yesterday. That was the only day I can remember in a LONG time that he was fun.
I don’t really know what all this means as I am at my wits end with him. I have started saying things like, “quit being such a jerk” to him. Not appropriate. All he wants to do it watch TV and drink milk. 2 things I would really like for him to get away from, but the only things that seem to make him happy. He will not eat much other than bottles.
At the nannies, he is a whole different kid most of the time. He eats, smiles, plays and does not go crazy every few seconds. I think he is different and behaves better for Liz too. I am starting to really think he acts crazy around me mostly. And he makes me NUTS! Totally, insanely NUTS! I do not have the patients for him. I don’t know when he is going to quit acting like such a maniac. If ever. I miss my cuddly, sweet, smiling boy. Where did he go? Is he coming back? Ever?
So very frustrated and confused.
-S
I don't think I've ever commented here before -- I just wanted to say that I have a small boy of my own. He was a delightful baby and a reasonably ok toddler, and then later in toddlerhood and early preschool he was DIFFICULT. I wondered many times what I was doing wrong, cried a lot, was at my wits end, and even told my husband once that I thought our son was a sociopath.
ReplyDeleteAnd now he's seven, and delightful. They all go through rough patches, and it is very hard. The thing is that he's behaving well at daycare -- so it's clear that he knows HOW to behave. This may not sound comforting but it is: if he CAN behave well, he likely hasn't got any real behavioural issues. He's just two, and he will grow out of it. And right now it sounds like you all are having some crazy times, and he's sensitive -- and maybe you are the one constant in his life, so you get to see the crazy in him. He trusts you.
So ... In summary? It's normal. It's a phase. It will end. It's not you. There's nothing wrong with him. There's nothing wrong with you. This too shall pass.
Take care!
Welcome to toddlerhood!
ReplyDeleteI found (find) this age challenging, but it can be wonderful too. Jude is going to test EVERYTHING right now and he'll quickly learn what he can get away with and with whom! Be kind, but firm. 1 minute time outs when behavior is really unacceptable works for us (meaning hitting or purposely ignoring us). We've never been a big TV family, but cut it out completely for a long time (months) when we found The Bean was tantruming every time we turned off a show. In fact, yesterday was the first day we've let him watch anything at home since the ban. Redirecting also works really well for us. Good luck and hang in there. :)
Also, I wonder if he could be getting molars if he's resisting food. Just a thought.
We, too, went through this with our kids but particularly our youngest, who is now nearing four. He was the sweetest little guy and then he turned three and turned into a monster. I was at my wit's end so many times. I honestly just didn't know what to do with him. He laughed at time out, laughed when we yelled. I even spanked him on two occasions (something I swore I would NEVER do) and guess what? Yep. He laughed. He was whiny and demanding and threw fits if he didn't get his way. Like Jude, he was fine with other people, this was behaviour he saved for home (which is normal, by the way, because they feel safest at home and can let it all out after being good for someone else all day/week.)
ReplyDeleteI am happy to report that now, I find that I can reason with him more. As he nears four, he understands more and it's easier to compromise with him. He also eventually learned to sit in time out when he was told to without laughing and having it take an entire evening to make him serve his time. And I learned to find my patience, eventually, which helped because I stopped giving him what he was looking for: a BIG reaction.
My advice is try to be consistent. I know that's hard. And try not to lose it. (I sucked at this often, but it's good advice.) He is trying to get a reaction out of you; don't give him one. Stay calm and be consistent with your answers, even when he throws a tantrum.
As Allison mentioned above, he could be getting his two-year molars. Our oldest son had a hell of a time with those molars. He couldn't eat at all for about two weeks. All he could eat were frozen yogurt tubes. He cried all the time. We were alternating Advil and Tylenol to control his pain. It was awful. So if the behaviour has just started out of nowhere, it could be something as simple as that.
Our oldest went threw the same thing. The great thing was that, during that time, he also had a therapist and she gave us lots of pointers. She was very much pro-redirecting and choosing your battles. We started time out pretty early. They are supposed to go to timeout for as long as they are old. It doesn't kill them to sit in time out and you're not going to ruin their lives. It's called discipline. Our therapist told us to say to do something or stop doing something (very short sentences "we don't hit"), then if they don't do it, give them a reminder like "I told you to ..., if you don't you will go to timeout." then when they still don't do it....timeout. And you have to be CONSISTENT all the time....very important. After we got that advice, we just didn't put up with tantrums whatsoever and they really dissipated. It was kind of thought of like "this is not an appropriate way to respond to anger or whatnot". We also made some emotion sheets with pictures of different emotions and we would ask him what he was feeling and he would point to the picture. Kids can be little monsters sometimes and they are very smart. They know how to work you...don't let him. He (and all kids) need boundaries and consistency. Good luck. They change all the time. This was long and scattered...sorry!
ReplyDeleteI have one thought to add to everyone's much more seasoned advice--maybe he is acting out because he misses Liz being able to pick him up and parent him the way he's used to. It's got to be a big change for a little boy, so maybe once she's back to 100% his behavior will improve. Just be gentle on yourselves--it's hard to deal with illness and recovery!
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