Full of Doubt

Now that we are about a week-ish away from doing our first insemination, it seems like we are getting cold feet.  We discussed for last night all of the things that are worrying us about having a baby and it feels like instead of feeling better about our worries, we feel worse.  The main worries are about money and me quitting my job to stay at home with the little bambino.  Can we really live off of $30,000 less, even for a year?  And what about me having health insurance?  It is really ok for me to be uninsured, for a year or possibly more?  And if not, can we afford the cost of me having private insurance, even crappy private insurance?  And there just aren’t many solutions.  I’m not too worried about not having health insurance for this time but my mother sure is worried about it, which makes me worried.  I looked into it this morning and it looks like it would be about $1,000-$1,500 a year to have the insurance, which isn’t great but isn’t impossible either.  Also, I could go back to working at least part time earlier than a year if we started to really struggle.  It would just be a matter of finding cheap enough day care for while I was at work to make my working worth while.  And there are a few options for part time work that would include health insurance, but none of them would put me any closer to becoming a teacher, which is ultimately what I want to do.  

All I can say to all of this I guess is that I hope that this sort of freak out is normal and that there are solutions to all of this going hell, just not solutions I like.  Also, while we could be in a better place to have a baby in a lot of ways, there is ALWAYS room for improvement.  So even if we had $10,000 saved up and could put me on S’s insurance then we’d still probably come up with reasons to be worried.  There will never be a perfect time and we will figure this out.  I’m going to try now that I’ve gotten that out of my system to be positive because S can’t handle anyone being negative but her.  It’s a lot of pressure to always be the positive one though.

I think that the other reason I’m feeling so sour today is that thanks to bad choices and Easter potluck, I gained 1.2 lbs this week.  Oh and I made myself a great lunch today to take to work only to leave it on the counter at home.  Lame.  I think I have a case of the Mondays. 

-Liz

Back on the Wagon

I’m starting Weight Watchers, again, today.  I’ve been doing it on and off for years now.  It works really well, but only if you do it.  My method these last 4 months has been to pay for it and ignore it, which if you were thinking about doing it that way, I don’t recomend it.  It doesn’t work, it’s the darndest thing.  So I stepped on the scale this morning and egads!  So I’m counting points again as of today and I’m going to do their walking challenge, which is basically just a walking program to get you up to being able to do a 5k.  I start today with a 10 minute walk, which seems totally do-able.  With the up coming insemination and possiblity of an actual baby in this house, it really hit me that I have to get into better shape.  I have ALOT of weight to loose, but I think if I could just loose 50 lbs before the baby is born I’d feel much better.  So that is my goal, 50 lbs before the baby is born, which seeing as how the baby isn’t even concieved yet, gives me plenty of time.  And just to make myself extra accountable, I’ll post every Monday on here how much I’ve lost for the week.  Maybe some social pressure will keep me going.  So dear readers, keep me honest!

In other news, I’ve had the whole house to myself this weekend.  It has been glorious.  I’ve missed S, who is in Oklahoma visiting one of her best friends one last time- have a last “party” weekend, but I’ve needed the alone time.  I’ve been working really hard on converting my art studio from a crap hole into some place you’d actually want to go and do art.  I’ll post pictures in a week or two once it is done.  And all of the moving of furniture, stripping of wallpaper, and painting has left me very very sore.  I could hardly get out of bed this morning.  I was a afraid I’d thrown out my back, which I do every once in a while, but I managed to get moving eventually.

Alright so I’m going to go back to cleaning the house and working on the studio so hopefully when S comes back from Oklahoma and our roomie comes back from England tomorrow, things will be looking nice and clean!
-Liz