My heart hurts at almost a year old

My little baby is almost 1 years old.  I am having a bit of a hard time with it. Liz seems to accept it most days, but then the other day stated that she will not cut back on formula anymore because it means he is big and she likes the fc (forced cuddle) time she gets from him having a bottle.

I am having a really hard time processing that my little tiny baby is about to be “not a baby” anymore.  He already has done so many big kid things.  He cruises on everything.  He chased me around the room with is walker, laughing and playing so hard that when he quit he was sweating and panting.  He now signs “hungry” when he is.  He dances all the time to a beat or a song.  He points at what he wants and throws a fit when he doesn’t get it.  He gives kisses and hugs.  He will lay down next to you if you are lounging on the floor.  He laughs and laughs and laughs.  His smiles and laughs are the most amazing thing. He has multiple times sat down and tried to put a sock on his foot.  He likes to try and comb his hair with his comb.  So many things that seem to say, “your tiny man is no longer your tiny man”.  He also wears 18-24 month clothes and seems to grow taller right before my eyes.

To me, he will always be my baby.  I am starting to understand why my parents annoyingly call me “baby girl” on a regular basis.  I know looking at Jude right now that when he is 30 years old, I will still remember the tiny helpless little baby he was.

We are sending out invites for Jude’s b-day this week.  It should be a pretty big event already.  Both Liz and my mom are coming, Liz’s brother and his wife, my bestie and her fiance, all our local friends, and then maybe more.  We are doing a truck themed party and as “decorations”  we just bough Jude a few cars and trucks.  That way he can play with them later. Liz is going to make a cake using some of the small construction trucks and one of our closest friends is going to make cupcakes with little signs in them.  We looked at a couple of places and this seemed to be the right theme for him in this moment.


Seeing Jude become such a big boy has given Liz and me baby fever.  We want another one.  It will be a while until we have enough money saved since I am just now settling into my new job, but once we do, I am sure we will go for it again.  I am thinking, and hoping, it will be at the beginning of 2014 that we start TTC again.  We have some medical bills to pay off from having Jude still and a loan from a family member and then we will squirrel away as much money as is possible and hopefully get going on baby making then.  There is the possibility of me making really good money at this new job, but it is going to be a while until I am up and running to that point.  There is talk of changing things up, so maybe it will be sooner than later.  We will see.

So much exciting stuff over the next couple years.  This year has flown by and I am sure Jude will be 2 in the blink of an eye and we will be working on #2.  Even with all of it, I try really hard to stay in the moment with Jude and really appreciate him right this very moment, because that moment is gone as soon as it was there.
-S