One more day

Last night, we were watching Downton Abbey and I think I forget I was pregnant for about an hour.  Then, I got up and saw Jude’s little sleep in our room crib and went, “why do we not have our baby?”  Liz said, “soon baby”.  Yes, very soon.  We check into the hospital at 5 pm tomorrow night to hopefully coax the little man out.  Crazy.  We will have a baby by the end of the week.  It feels like we have been waiting forever for him.  What you have to realize is that we have been planning and getting our lives together for a child for 10 years now.  Both Liz and I have always wanted children, but the timing never was quite right.  I know that everyone says that the timing is never right, but honestly, I don’t think it could be any better timing for us at this point.  Finally, we were emotionally, mentally, and financially as ready as a couple can be and so we went for it.  Now, our little dream is almost here to be held.  How amazing!

I am scarred for him thru this whole birth process.  A baby releases more stress hormones during birth than any other time during their life.  I just hope inducing doesn’t add to an already intense process for him.  I just want him here safe and sound.  Liz and I were joking that when we are stressed out about work or something in the future, we will say, “man, this is nothing, I was more stressed out when I was born!”  We’re are weird;)

I have been having contractions on and off this morning.  Nothing to get excited about yet, but they are stronger than any I have had in the past.  A few nights ago, I had contractions off and on for about half the night and then they just stopped.  This baby is not coming on its own.  All the baby e-mails I keep getting talk about how most late babies are not truly late, they are just off on the due dates.  Well, we know the exact day we conceived since we were inseminated.  Our baby is just late!

I am happy to get him here!  He is so big now that when he goes crazy, I worry he is going to injure me in some way.  I have heard about babies breaking and bruising ribs, and fortunately, he never put his feet up that high, but it is not comfortable when he really starts moving around at this point.  I can tell you, he is a full grown baby in there now.  Time to come out Jude!

I really hope that all they have to do is ripen the cervix a little and my body will take over from there.  I feel like I have failed him in some way since he has not come yet.  I know it is silly, but it is so strange to get to the end and nothing to happen.  It feels like we are in a little baby stand off with both of us wanting to make the next step, but nothing happening.  I have tried thru this whole pregnancy to do everything right and now at the end, I don’t know how to get my body to go into labor.  If I had a crystal ball, I would see when he is going to come and wait until then if it is not too late, but since I don’t we will induce tomorrow and hope that all goes well.

We spent 12 weeks learning about natural childbirth and all that, so it does feel a little strange to go and get induced when they recommend not doing anything like that.  However, it is time.  I can just feel it.  It is time for Jude to be here.  I wake up worried about him in the mornings when I was not worried about him before.  Is he still thriving in there?  Is he still okay?  I will feel a huge sense of relief when I have him in my arms.

Insane to think we will have our baby boy in our arms so soon.  We are so very ready for him to be here.   It feels like we have been waiting forever for him.  Send us some good labor thoughts for tomorrow and safe travels for Jude into this world!
-S